Frankly, everything about this golf tournament in the St. Louis Cardinals' backyard was supposed to be for the birds.
That's just a small sampling of information provided on every player in the field, including the 20 club professionals who qualified in the PGA Professionals Championship, won by former University of Kansas All-American Ryan Vermeer, 40. "Hopefully, we can come back soon". That included Koepka. The back-to-back U.S. Open victor sprinted away from the field for much of the afternoon, at one point grabbing a 5-stroke lead.
"I'm exhausted. I am definitely exhausted", said Woods, who sweated through four shirts in his opening five holes. Major championship golf is amusing.
Shane Lowry was one of a multitude of golfers up at the crack of dawn in St Louis to finish out his second round in the USPGA Championships.
If the PGA posted a marquee high above this final round to come, it might well read "Muscles and Mayhem". In the lead at 12 under, Koepka is supplying the rolled-up sleeves and the kind of blacksmith arms that would've left Arnold Palmer's arms on the wrong side of a before-and-after ad. It's the nature of the course that makes him feel he has a farther climb than the seven shots that separate him from Woodland.
The same could probably be said for Fowler, who is tied with Rahm after a third-round 69, and Day, the 2015 PGA champion who is another stroke back at 8 under and tied with Thomas, this week's defending champion. The locals have enjoyed watching Koepka hit the long ball. After earning his keep the hard way on the minor league circuits overseas, he swaggers about with a chip on his shoulder the size of a beer keg.
Koepka seemed an unlikely candidate to falter, but falter he did.
Koepka, who missed the Masters with a left wrist injury, opened birdie-birdie to grab the lead after playing partner Woodland made bogey at the second, but Woodland birdied the third hole to pull level.
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Word around the water cooler earlier this year suggested Palm was prepping a new smartphone for launch in the second half of 2018. According to Android Police, the device is likely to sport a 3.3-inch HD LCD display while running Qualcomm Snapdragon 435 SoC.
"I told myself exactly that on 11 tee", Woodland said of his triple in Phoenix. As the 42-year-old walked up the 17th fairway, eyeing an eagle putt, a fan scrambled up the cart path in a T-shirt screen-printed with dozens of images of Woods's head: looking every which direction, in the various phases of a smile, always affixed to shoulders clothed in red.
"I can live with that", he said Friday after a 4-under 66. "It was like, 'All right'". "For sure, it was the craziest round I think he's ever seen. You're never going to win another golf tournament again".
Koepka is trying to become the first player since Woods to capture the U.S. Open and PGA in the same year. Koepka didn't waste any time and energy complaining about the USGA. "All in all, we'll play aggressive and just stick to what we've been doing".
"This golf course is stacked right now, and everyone is bunched", he said. Yeah, there's a lot of star power, and it should be. It's a major championship.
The four-time PGA Championship victor made five birdies and one bogey through eight holes and finished with 10 consecutive pars.
Woods occupies another larger group behind on eight-under, heading into an exciting final day of the final major of the year.
Exhausted and hungry, an old Tiger survived 29 holes Saturday.
If he plays like he looks on Sunday, they will.